1. insaneontheboeshane:

    image

    so is this a joke or what

    (via that-gif-person)

     

  2. Actual Quotes from my Dad (An English Teacher)

    1. Dad: Why the hell did you put a comma there?
    2. Dad: Do you even know what a participial phrase is?
    3. Dad: Omg. He's like my favorite character of all time.
    4. Dad: Who should I dress up as for the movie premier?
    5. Dad: Hey are you awake? I know it's late, but you read Animal Farm, right? Yeah. I need you to read this report. I can't tell if I am just super tired or if this is actual bullshit.
    6. Dad: Alesha wouldn't be able to spell 'definitely' right if wrote it down for her. She would fucking erase it and then write 'defiantly', because she doesn't care. I hate her.
    7. Dad: I need you to bake brownies. I lost a bet.
    8. Dad: Omg. You cannot ship me with Gilcher. You know I don't like tattoos and he's like twenty-five. And for Christ's sake, he teaches math.
    9. Dad: Omg. Gilcher said the funniest thing today.
    10. Dad: Mrs. Ashworth and I have decided to start a band. It'll be called Great Expectations.
    11. Dad: It's like you didn't read the fucking book.
    12. Dad: Okay. So this week you're reading this book I stole from Mrs. Ashworth's. It's like sixty pages long, but you'll love it.
    13. Dad: *puts books on my bed for me to read everyday and demands that I read them*
    14. Dad: My son doesn't like reading. I have not only failed him, but society. You aren't my son. Leave.
    15. Dad: Okay. So you're getting books for Christmas. All of you. I get discounts on them since I'm a teacher, and since I'm a teacher, it's all I can afford, so...
    16. Dad: Fucking standardized testing can go fuck itself in the ass.
    17. Dad: I have to teach for the required testing instead of what they really need to know.
    18. Dad: Fuck the government.
    19. Dad: Fuck the school board.
    20. Dad: Close the door.
    21. Dad: Charles Dickens was so fucking pretentious, and I hate him, but he also caused change, but he's such a Dick. Ha. DICKens.
    22. Dad: I love puns.
    23. Dad: People who say sarcasm is the lowest form of humor are assholes.
    24. Dad: Please shut up.
    25. Dad: Catching Fire was the worst book but the best movie and that feels weird.
    26. Dad: I wouldn't get so mad when you call me at school if you didn't change your ringtones to inappropriate rap music.
    27. Dad: I fucking hate Alesha. She asked what countries were apart of Austria-Hungary today and I almost told her to get out.
    28. Dad: You cannot visit my school in a dress that short. There are boys there.
    29. Dad: Barbra Parks is fucking Queen.
    30. Dad: I need you to make me a good, relaxing playlist for silent reading. I'm too lazy.
    31. Dad: If I have to watch two of my students grind on each other at one more dance, I will kill them both.
    32. Dad: They act like I care what they think.
    33. Dad: I hate homework.
    34. Dad: I have decided to become a politician.
    35. Dad: What's the one book with the guys and the one kills the other and the chick without a name who dies and the short angry man? Mouseman? Oh my fucking gosh. Of Mice and Men. I have failed.
     

    1. me: i don't even care. i'm not going to talk about this anymore.
    2. ...
    3. me: and you know what else? [2000 word rant]
     
  3. pizzafromthecrust:

    In which I make an effort to look nice when I feel like shit

     

    1. me on my way home from class: oh man i'm gonna get so much work done let me make a to do list and get that shit done quickly and effectively i'm so pumped
    2. me the second i get home: nah
     
  4. sexhaver:

    rasputin:

    Portuguese designer Susana Soares has developed a device for detecting cancer and other serious diseases using trained bees. The bees are placed in a glass chamber into which the patient exhales; the bees fly into a smaller secondary chamber if they detect cancer. 

    Scientists have found that honey bees - Apis mellifera - have an extraordinary sense of smell that is more acute than that of a sniffer dog and can detect airborne molecules in the parts-per-trillion range. 

    Bees can be trained to detect specific chemical odours, including the biomarkers associated with diseases such as tuberculosis, lung, skin and pancreatic cancer.

    breathe into the BEE ORB to reveal your fate

    (via codextreble)

     
  5. the book is: Zeus Grants Stupid Wishes: A No-Bullshit Guide to World Mythology

    vincisomething:

    doctorsdemons:

    whitedarryl:

    asatira:

    elfgrove:

    mmemento:

    leaper182:

    bead-bead:

    the-writers-ramblings:

    i cant even make it past the table of contents im laughing too hard

    WHAT IS THIS BOOK!?!

    It’s called “Zeus Grants Stupid Wishes: A No-Bullshit Guide to World Mythology”
    By Cory O’Brien, and it looks highly entertaining. :D

    Gilgamesh: THE ULTIMATE BROMANCE

    Give it here, now.

    Sweet Fluffy Gods why is there not an audiobook version?

    I need to find this book.

    The first time Iv’e wanted to read something since Metro 2033.

    guy

    guys…look what we did :D

    I want this book

    (Source: thewritersramblings, via codextreble)

     

  6. gym-leader-merida:

    if you don’t terrify people a little bit then what’s the point.

    (via kisouu)

     

  7. xplosivediarrhea:

    imagine how much power you’d have if you woke up with a clear face and perfect hair every day

    (via hidinginmyshell)

     

  8. "I like it when it rains hard. It sounds like white noise everywhere, which is like silence but not empty."
    — Mark Haddon, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time (via hanmii)

    (Source: iwanttocatchastar, via kisouu)

     
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  12. pizzafromthecrust:

    Doodled on my ukulele…

     
  13. gaskarthswift:

    taylorswift is so gorgeous

    (via yoursparkle)